Yay I’m in Debt.

I think that title basically sums it up. I am in debt. Extremely in debt. Quite a large portion of my college was paid for through loans, and right now I owe about $63,000 to a couple different lenders. Yay.

So my dad called me up today and started asking me all sorts of questions about my loans. How much do I owe? Will I be getting money for grad school? How much will it cost?

I looked it up, which took a while, and found out that to my two lenders, I owe about $63K. That is a lot. Now my grad school has offered me financial aid. The website that I can get to said that the est. cost of attendance was about $44K. So they gave me $26K of financial aid, and then offered me $18K in loans. Which when I told my dad that, he freaked out because that would be a hell of a lot of debt for me to be in. Well, yeah … but what other choice do I have?

So I tried to look it up a little better, and found that tuition/fees is only about $26K, so that financial aid award should cover it. The rest was room and board, etc. Which, since I’m not living on campus or getting a meal plan, I shouldn’t need. Right? So I’ve sent off an email to financial aid asking them to explain it better because I’ve got no clue what’s going on.

Meanwhile, my dad is ranting at me saying how I shouldn’t commit to a school when we’ve got so many unanswered questions. Which, yes, they still have not told me if I’m getting that damn Masters Fellowship. But they offered me financial aid, so I should be covered even if I don’t get it, and I can get a part-time job to earn more money to pay for food and housing and whatnot.

I am going to grad school. I am enrolled, I registered for classes this morning. Apparently he doesn’t know that.

So Dad is still going on about how it doesn’t make sense for me to get into debt for my MA because what kind of job will I be able to get with it anyway? I’ll still have to go on and possibly pay for my PhD before I can get a job, and how much debt will I have then? I’ll be paying this off for the rest of my life! And THEN he basically told me that my entire undergraduate career was useless because I can’t get a job with that degree anyway, so it was a waste of money and now I’m over 60K in the hole for nothing.

Fuck you, Dad.

Mind you, my dad is supposed to pay for my college. It was in the divorce agreement that HE pay for my college. Not me, HIM. When I mentioned this to him tonight, he asked me if I thought that he was made of unlimited funds. WHAT, DOES HE THINK I AM? It’s ok for me to be about a hundred grand in debt, but he shouldn’t have to pay for any of it?

My grandmother died earlier this year. And I know that I will be getting an inheritance. So I asked Dad about that, and sure enough, I’ll be getting some money this summer, and he told me that “it would cover my current debts, but not much else.” So does he expect me to use my ENTIRE FUCKING INHERITANCE paying off these debts? FUCK THAT.

(Note: I apologize for the swearing. But there will probably be more before this post is done.)

So I promptly told my dad that I’d use that to pay for my housing/food in Illinois. He didn’t reply. (The last few comments were through texting, not on the phone.) It’s my inheritance, so I should be able to decide what to do with it. And if I want to use it to go to grad school, I’M GONNA FUCKING GO TO GRAD SCHOOL.

Yes, if I get out of grad school, I will use that inheritance to pay off my debts, as much as I can. But I’m not going to use the entire chunk of it all at once. I have to live! So I’ll probably pay as much as I can, holding off some until I make sure that I have a job and can support myself without it, and then I’ll pay off the rest of my loans.

I am certainly not going to get seventy five thousand dollars and then turn around the next day and give away sixty three thousand of it. That is NOT HAPPENING. I kinda want to be able to see my bank account be higher than a hundred bucks for a while. That should be fun.

Grrr…. I am so angry at him right now. Sooooooo angry.

Also, I didn’t write any of my story at all today. Instead I made a really cute picture of the owl and the pussycat, which I may upload eventually. I’m not in the mood to take a picture and deal with it right now. So, no writing today, no writing tomorrow. We’re still leaving at six, so I need to go and take a shower and then go to bed.

Hopefully I’ll wake up in the morning and win the lottery or get a job or get a fellowship or something. I’m not holding my breath.

Edit: Also, before I sound too ungrateful, I would like to point out that except for last semester, when Dad bought half of my books, and one time last year when I overdrew my bank account and had to ask both parents for some money, I have paid for all my books and all of my food while I was at school. I had a job on campus, and actually needed it because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to eat. I don’t think it’s excessive to want my parents to pay for my food while I was at college. Also, my dad is giving me his car, and has been letting me borrow it since March, while he continues to pay the insurance at the moment. And I really do appreciate that, and I am very thankful to be getting the car. However, I don’t think it’s ungrateful to expect a little help in paying back all my college loans, since he should be paying for my college as per the divorce agreement, and I don’t think he should expect me to be all sympathetic that he took out 6K in loans for my college, since he appears to expect me to pay the other 60K.

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Published in: on June 10, 2011 at 9:48 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. And it all becomes clear…

    Emailing you since it became way too private.

  2. I’m sorry, sweetie 😦 As I’ve already said, our school was not a waste of money. You have a B.A. from a prestigious university (and you graduated cum laude, didn’t you?), and you COULD get a job with it if you chose. Latin teacher in a private school and museum aide come to mind. You want to do something else with your life. And you’ve made smart decisions about pursuing that path. Yes, it delays your entry into the workforce–on the other hand, it makes you more qualified (ie more likely to get a job, and a higher salary) for the kinds of things you do want to do.

    Not to mention it’s pretty impossible for anyone to get a job right now, even with a B.A. from a prestigious university. Take me, for example. And MSM. And SMM. And…

    You already know my feelings about the money issue. It would be different if your dad were struggling just to support himself, but he could have easily afforded to feed you for the past two years.

    To summarize: A) you are employable B) as much as any of us are in this economy C) but you’re choosing something which will in the long run make you happier and D) your dad is capable of and should be doing more to help you financially.

    Dunno why I’m repeating myself but what I sent via text seemed too short, and I didn’t know the whole story…this is the problem with engineers for parents, as you and I and LRK have learned. They have certain qualities which make them very good at being engineers, but not very good about being supportive when you do something that doesn’t fit in with their Grand Plan (even when they’re not sure what the Grand Plan is).

    /angry lioness rant in defense of friend (rawr)

    • Thank you. Rawr! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way, as Dea said basically the same thing.

      And while, as an engineer, he did try to think things through rationally, he just didn’t seem to realize that it isn’t at all rational to expect me to be able to pay off all my loans at once. In fact, its much more rational to expect to pay it off over time, as I get a job, and the additional education will enable me to get a better, higher-paying job and thus be able to pay off the loans even faster!

      I was just very frustrated with him. He legit almost made me cry I was so upset. And I’m still going to Illinois. 😀


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